Nighttime Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's prominent hosts devoted the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... ruins everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the new program which permits foreign individuals to buy U.S. residency for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. An official page promises approval "in record time."

"A quick note for you to affluent applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the scheme is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring large payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval ratings during economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.