The Phrases shared by A Dad Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider reluctance to talk among men, who still absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - spending a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."